On Baking

There is always a small fear that resides in the back of the head. It is nestled comfortably in the brain, sure of it’s own existence and power. It is the fear that stops you from putting your own creativity into the world, the one that says ‘why do something silly like posting about your thoughts and feelings and make yourself vulnerable? You should probably just watch a show on Netflix instead and be comfortable and safe and warm.’ This fear is hard to argue with.

In the moment, the fear can easily win because you think it is right. You think, sure, how much harm can watching another episode do, or why not just sit here and relax because I have earned it after all. It is only much later that you discover that this is not living at all. That all of a sudden this inexplicable sadness can take over and you’re not sure why. What have you been doing differently? Ah, you realise, all those things that you love. Those things like writing and baking. The very things that you can fail at are the things you should be doing. Because it means you are trying. Because it means you are still alive. Because it means you can beat that fear.

I know that it is still very tempting to slide into old habits. The fear is easy to give in to because it is the path of least resistance. But there is another path to take. This other path is slightly downhill at first and has a peaceful breeze to keep you going. To access this path, you just need to veer a little bit to the side of the beaten track and push aside a branch or two to discover it. Once that is done, the trail will be easy to follow.

To access this new path, you just need to take the first step. Just start writing and wait for the words to flow out of your fingertips. Or start pulling out the flour and the sugar and the scales to get yourself set up. Once the first step is made, the rest is downhill. Push through those branches, and you’ll be able to see a different path. Of course it will be uphill at times, I cannot trick you into thinking it will be an easy ride the whole way. But it will definitely lead you to a better destination.

RECIPE NOTES

Pandan Cake by Not Quite Nigella

·      I adapted this recipe into cupcakes because I don't have a chiffon tin. It makes about 12 cupcakes and only takes 12 -15 minutes to cook. Bake the cupcakes until until they are lightly golden on the top.

·      When I made it the second time around, Ash helped me out which was really sweet.

·      Subbed 30g of the flour for some corn starch to give it a finer texture.